Taylor Elizabeth, Emotional Intelligence and Etiquette Coach, and Founder & CEO of The Elegance Advisor
As a working mother who often travels internationally, I am constantly aware of how swiftly time passes and how the moments I miss with my daughter seem to multiply. In such reflections, I am reminded of how precious every minute with her truly is. This raises an important question: what matters more in parenting—the quantity of time we spend with our children, or the quality of those moments?
As a professional Emotional Intelligence Coach with certification in Positive Psychology, I have been exploring ways to practise more conscious parenting. Through this journey, I came across a simple but powerful strategy in child psychology: the 9-Minute Principle.
This principle emphasises making the most of three specific three-minute periods each day:
- The first three minutes after your child wakes up
- The three minutes when you or your child return home
- The last three minutes before your child goes to bed
What makes this approach particularly compelling is that these are already natural points of connection between parents and children. By being intentional during these times, we can strengthen relationships with minimal effort. It requires only a shift in mindset and consistent dedication to presence.
Having integrated this practice into both my home life and my coaching work, I have witnessed its transformative impact. By devoting just nine minutes each day, parents can foster deeper connections with their children while instilling in them a lasting sense of love and security.
The first three minutes: Brighten their morning
Begin your child’s day with warmth and positivity. A cheerful greeting—“Suprabhat!” or “Good morning, my dear!”—accompanied by a hug or playful affection sets a positive tone. Asking questions such as “What are you most looking forward to today?” demonstrates genuine interest and gives your child confidence as they start their day.
The second three minutes: Reconnect after time apart
When you or your child walk through the door, pause and give your full attention for three minutes. Express happiness at being reunited and ask engaging, open-ended questions. Instead of the standard “How was your day?”, try:
- “What was the funniest thing that happened today?”
- “Did anything surprise you?”
- “What made you feel really good today?”
This small shift in questioning encourages children to share more openly and meaningfully about their day.
The last three minutes: End the day on a high note
The minutes before bedtime are especially important for connection. Whether through reading a story, singing, breathing together, or saying a prayer, this is the time to provide reassurance and comfort.
These final interactions imprint deeply on a child’s subconscious, helping to build resilience and a secure emotional foundation. The simple act of tucking them into bed becomes a symbolic reminder that they are surrounded by care, love, and safety.
Adapting the principle while travelling
For parents who travel frequently, these moments can still be curated from a distance. A short phone call, a thoughtful message, or a video chat can help preserve these connections. The medium may change, but the intention remains the same.
Conclusion
Incorporating the 9-Minute Principle has transformed both my relationship with my daughter and my perspective as a parent. In my work with clients across industries, I often remind them that parenting is not defined by the number of hours spent together. What truly matters is how we choose to use the moments we do have—and how intentionally we invest in the quality of those minutes.
Also Read: Building Resilience in Children: Nurturing Strength in the Face of Adversity
